Jan 28 2008
Blue Monday in the park
I’m the one that friends call. Anytime. For anything. I’m the one that’s always there. Without judgement. One night a few years ago a close friend called. Needed someone to “hang out with.” For the first time, I said I couldn’t, too tired. He died that night. He fell asleep with a cigarette. There’s an empty spot here now. Not just from the torn down building but in our hearts. I’ve been told by others that I wasn’t the only one he called asking for help that night. Does that make me feel better?
How much do we give of our Self? At what point do we draw our boundaries?
His funeral was on a Monday. I asked and the band in the park that evening played….
Stormy Monday
{{{HUGS!!!}}} What a dreadful thing to happen to you. The same thing happened to my mother. If only we could clone ourselves and have more energy but we do reach the exhaustion point ourselves.
God Bless You and your departed friend. I don’t believe we control the time when one leaves this world. It’s in bigger hands. I had a friend who ran off the road and a tree fell on his car. He was gratetful to be alive - because a minute before he climbed out of the car. But then a few weeks later he died. When it’s time, it’s time.
I mentioned your blog on mine today.
Hugs, JJ
Hey Tania, I understand how it feels! No single person causes or is responsible for death. It happens now or later. And death is not ultimately a passing away, but the birth of a stronger being who relies deeper within for support. Came here through Loch’s blog!
Nice writing, nice being. Swahilya.
I am very sorry Tania. I do empathize with you and truly understand. All I can do is to offer a hug in reciprocation to the one you have offered me. I hope peace finds you.
~JD
Thank you for your comments and hugs. I definately don’t feel responsible and I know that he would never want me or anyone else to feel that way. My post was meant to be more of a… How much can we give before giving our Self. And establishing boundaries. I maybe used too strong an example.
Tough story… It leaves me speechless.
My heart goes out to you, wishing you comfort.
The sadness of not being there for someone leaves a deep hole in the heart that never goes away. It stays there as a scar on life.
Blessings to you.
Thank you for this post Tania! I am a firm believer in boundaries, what good are we if we have no time to rest, reflect, sit in deep silence and let it renew our spirits. Even Jesus fled from the masses who wanted healing from him. He needed a quiet place to be with his father. I think every great healer, saint, mystic, shaman, carved out these boundaries for him/her self to continue being truly effective. As for your friend, although this event was tragic and timely, I think you did the right thing in saying no, your body was telling you to slow down and you responded. You sound like a complete giver who wears her heart on her sleeve, make sure you find time for the beautiful silence as well.
tania, wonderfully expressed the subtleness!
freedom within does have its boundaries outside.
Tania:
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Each one of us, everyday, make our own reality and or own destiny. Neither you nor I can change that.
If you really stop to consider it, each of us, change the world everyday. The only reason we don’t realize the difference we make is that we can never see what the world would be like if we had done any action just the opposite, done it earlier, or later.
Extrapolate the influence of any action that you do where you have the opportunity to talk, work or play with another person. Then examine the consequences out 50, 100, 1000, 5000 years and the result go completely off scale. A very small incident can generate totally improbable and unforeseen results.
Your dad and I both read the same Sci-Fi story when we were kids about a time machine dinosaur hunt. One of the hunters stepped off the suspended track and stepped on a butterfly. When they came back to the present the entire world had changed!
Should at some time we’re able to do that and really want to change history we’d look at the smallest incident to cause the change. A bump on a subway car, a telephone call in the middle of the night. You’d find the smallest incident to cause the change.
Ask to borrow John’s book “What If” It goes into this type of thinking a lot. Besides that it’s an excellent read if you can get him to part with it.
@Michael - Thank you for your uplifting comment. Yes, I feel that it is vital for the healers to take time to heal themselves as well.
@merginpoint - thank you! Very well said.
@Darrell - Thank you. You offer a great way to look at life and how everything we do makes a difference, even if we are unaware of it at the time, and no matter how small.
Blessings,
~Tania
I knew him too. A great but troubled soul.
A beautiful elegy you have here, thank you for sharing.
Boundaries, especially on a close level as friendship or romantic relationship can be difficult to maintain. Also, as we grow and have a more diverse portfolio of experience, we often find it appropriate to establish new boundaries in existing relationships. These can be controversial and difficult to express. Notice how easy it is to set and maintain boundaries with employers, clients, or the mailman.
j.–*